Remaining good parents despite separation
Remaining good parents despite separation
The times when a marriage had to last until the end of life are over. We live in a different, faster time, separations are common. Nowadays it is okay to take different paths. We are allowed to be bolder and don't have to bleach in a relationship that doesn't really make sense anymore. However, it becomes more difficult when children are involved. But a separation or divorce does not have to mean the end of the family relationship.
Here it is enormously important to take out the negative feelings on the children as little as possible, even if they are individually understandable. Children are very sensitive and have a sense when something is wrong in their parents' relationship - and this is completely independent of their age. They often imagine the situation to be worse than it actually is. The fear of losing a parent due to the separation plays a big role in this. It helps to talk openly and honestly with the children and to explain the situation to them in a way that is appropriate for their age. Children often feel guilty about the separation, so it is enormously important to make it clear to them that they are not to blame. Give your children the opportunity to get out of the stressful situation a bit and arrange, for example, a weekend at the grandparents' or meet friends.
It is important for children in this situation that you as parents continue to be as present as possible. Your child needs both parents, if possible, for its further development and psychological stability. It does not help if you talk about or badmouth your ex-partner in front of your child. Think of your children - their well-being should be your first priority and should take precedence over negative feelings. Even if this means an enormous effort – it’s worth the while!
It can be a challenge when a new partner comes along. It is advisable to introduce the new partner only when things are really "serious" between them. Give your children time and understand that it takes some trust on their part to get used to a new woman or man. Children quickly develop the feeling that you want to replace the other parent with the new partner. Make it clear that this person will not take the role of the father or mother, but will be an additional support.
Here are some tips on how to make a separation work with as little conflict as possible:
- First clarify as parents how you envisage the situation (e.g. the living situation or contact) after the separation. Only then should you talk to your children together.
- Still try to be there for your child in terms of time and emotion.
- Do not carry out conflicts (that still exist) in front of the children.
- Seek direct communication and do not use your children as mouthpieces.
- Only introduce a new partner when you are serious about it.
I would be happy to support you in overcoming individual and family challenges. Feel free to write me a message (link).
