Parentification is a role reversal of children and parents in which children slip into a parental role that is not intended for them. Children unconsciously feel responsible for one or both parents and take on tasks that are too much for them. This role is not appropriate for children, because children want to be children. 

A phenomenon of parentification is that the child only feels valued and loved when it fulfils the parent's tasks. A child is then given the responsibility, for example, to take care of siblings, to help out more than usual in the household, and if they do not do this, to receive less love from the parents. However, children want to be able to meet friends without having a guilty conscience. This self-evident fact is fading more and more into the background with parentification. 

In my practice, I clearly feel the effects of parentification when working with my clients who have been adults for a long time. On the one hand, they had a certain power as children (I can determine the goodwill of my parents or one of my parents), but on the other hand, they had difficulties in breaking free and later leading a self-determined life. Their own needs were continuously put on the back burner and sacrifice for others was the dominant theme. Getting out of this vicious circle is a big but not insurmountable task. 

In counselling we work out the reasons why parentification has occurred. Often parents lacked a secure attachment to one or both parents in their own childhood, which they then "make up for" when they have children of their own. Another reason for parentification can be the separation of parents, in which one partner suffers particularly. Children are unconsciously forced into the role of "caretaker". The same applies to addictions, where one or both parents can no longer manage everyday life and the children are thus made responsible. 

It is important to emphasise that parentification happens unconsciously in most cases. All the better to recognise the phenomenon and work on it! I am happy to support you.